I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
