arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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