I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
