we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
