Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You pole danced in your parka.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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