Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
