Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
