I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
