He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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