if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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