Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
