My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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