There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
