Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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