I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I CAN MOONWALK!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
