Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
