so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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