i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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