the condom got lost in my hair
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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