If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
