Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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