cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
