Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
