Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
