You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
