woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
