My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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