Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
