you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
