I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
