When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
