happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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