I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
