I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
