I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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