the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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