I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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