I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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