I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
