your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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