I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
