Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
