so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize