You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
