Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
