I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
