Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
