I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
