When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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