fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
