How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
