she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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