Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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