Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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