The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
