You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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