i just made my gag reflex go away.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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