Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
