so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
