i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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