the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
