You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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