In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
