hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
